Sunday, July 26, 2009

These are not hallucinations! (part 5)

I was staring at a cat,
And for 3 minutes I tried to think of an edible animal,..
I couldn't get one except...
That cat!

Day dreaming was the only thing I mastered anytime, anywhere..
It was my refuge,
My salvation..
Not anymore!
I'm trapped behind bars of reality and logic.

So at last we've got to know each other
And there was significant some kind of attraction..
So why do I feel all this resentment and hate?!!

It's an inevitable end,
A state of mind that will soon exist,
I just don't know when or where it will happen.
The crack is there, I know it…
And I'm waiting!

Going off the rails..
The restlessness that I feel whenever the idea awakens..
It's far more appealing than a sweet temptation..
It's a back door out of my self made fake image.

So I spent three hours drawing circles,..
Indistinct ones,
And about the same size.
My drawing speeded up minute after minute,
And the circles were spreading like cancer…
They were perfect,
They were just black and empty,
And they covered the whole sheet of paper,
Like hundreds of eyeballs,..
All staring at me!

Clutching the blanket around my shoulders,
Sitting by the fireplace,
Watching the torturing flames,..
And the faceless figures sitting around,..
All I can hear is my breath breaking the silence.

I don't know what they are waiting for..
But cutting off my face will certainly complete the circle!

Once you've
invited Darkness into your life,
There's no turning back.
It burrows in,
Becomes part of you,…
Just as you become part of it! (Tess Gerritsen:The Mephisto Club)

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