Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Till the time comes!

Poison is occasionally served in a nice pack as in disguise: glass of wine, a chocolate,….
That' what makes it mostly too late to reverse the process.
Shells and packs are so important. Take care of them till the time comes…!

I cannot remember when or where I heard those words, but they keep flashing in my head…
Sounds like someone I know!

I don't have a clear mind all the time, even when I'm listening to someone, I still think about something else.
Yes, to a risky extent, and no matter the situation. I sleep on high ways or even crowded streets during rush hours when those horns are deafening your ears. My eyelids just go down as if tons of weights are tied to them.

He changed,… starting from being freakishly nervous and stressed to finding the truth about people’s good deeds and starting to doubt every move they make which really gave amazing results, at least it made sense to actions that were so vague to him!
One day, he'll admit my credit…!

Ninety-five percent of my sleep is nightmares and that's how they occur…
The first hour is dreaming that I'm chocking and paralyzed (it literarily happens)...
I cannot move a toe,
I cannot breathe,
a huge weight on my chest,
and all I can do is shake in one piece and murmur.
It happens 2-3 times, and then I indulge myself in an ocean of nightmares that ….
Then I may have some kind of regular fights and rage episodes with people I know and don't know, and…

It's morning, the alarm clock is breaking the silence and it's time to wake up feeling tired, exhausted and extremely pissed off like I've never slept in the first place
The thing is that when a night passes without those nightmares, I get a strange feeling that something precious is missing.
It's sick, I know how this sounds, but that's how…
What's that…?!

I told him to let go, so he gave that speech about his reputation, people's love and respect, and that social crap!
Poor guy!
He doesn't know how it feels to be a loose cannon, so that's why I'm giving him a long time treatment.
I fatigue him till he cracks and unleashes rage. He finds it strange and irritating though he's beginning to prefer fear in people's eyes rather than respect.
He's going to be ok one day,… mine I mean!

Oh, I love these fucking flickering neon lights and their reflected image on the glass of my desk.
It makes you feel…

Do they know about the creature hiding in the figure of "Him" they know.
Well, this guy is just great. He reveals nothing of what's going on inside. I can do whatever I want and he just puts a meaningless smile on his face. They know there's something going on inside but they cannot exactly figure it out.
But, I guess I'm doing much more activity than before, so this Shell "Him" sometimes falls down or crack and I'm EXPOSED.
It's chaos when that happens, 'cause everything is fucking out of control.
But, still it's going fine. Maybe I'll need to reduce my activity a little bit, as I prefer not to get exposed frequently till total transformation takes place.

What transformation?!

Human Silence, how I love it…
Listening just to nature and yourself,
exposing the unspoken to the surroundings, and taking off your masks…
revealing everything that's ugly and personal.

What transformation,.. ?!
Oh dear, you are hallucinating again!

The isolation technique,…it works fine.
Just put all what's bothering you in a box and leave it there in that dark corner of your mind.
You can see it, but you pretend it's not in your view.
Just leave it there till the time comes.

Why do I get that weird feeling that I'm undergoing some kind of a bizarre process?!!

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