Incubus!

On the pursuit of self destruction I bleed,
I let go all that I need for the sake of what you want,
I'm burning it all down with me inside
Watching the vicious flames eating it little by little.

I won't break…
I'm bleeding inside.
I won't crumble…
I cannot remember.

Black out again;
Everything vanished and the walls returned as dead as they've ever been
The damned silence is deafening my ear.

My eyes are open…
I can't see through.
You can't let me talk…
I'm a filthy corpse of dead memories.

I remember opening the box and letting it all out.
It was still alive, wicked and rotten as ever,
And I can see you standing there
Like the first time I saw you…
Helpless and alienated.

Don't look at me…
I hate you like hell.
I'm steady as a rock…
I'm falling apart.

I couldn't look at the white sheet;
I do no longer want to visualize you.
Don't make me do it anymore,
Stop pushing me to the edge.

I'm standing still…
I'm being torn to pieces.
You can't see through me…
I'm dying inside.

They are still alive,
And I'm burying them again.
The smell stinks,
And I'm smiling like a corpse…

I can't wake up!

2009

My clock is ticking and I'm running out of time....

Year 31

To be honest, I really don't care...!

The Result

You have been tested and evaluated.
And guess what...!
...

YOU FUCKING FAILED.

The Celebration!

A moving corpse with rotten remains of simple dreams.
That's what I thought.
Mirrors can mess up your mind if you gave them the chance!

I didn't utter a single word for three hours…
Just a meaningless empty look on my face,
Starring back baldly cursing the disgusting inquiring eyes.

Still stained!
Things might seem blossoming,
But in the end,… the truth is revealed.
It's just a painting in the back of your head!

The music was so loud and the figures were dancing dementedly.
The rhythm exhumed the filth underneath my skin.

Rapidly decaying inside…
Burying the cells eaten by the vicious thoughts.
The smell stinks,
And I'm waiting for my time!

I repeatedly shot myself…
Blowing my head off.
The image flashed a million times inside my head.
The surroundings turning into mere havoc.

You were just a quality,
Something to look up to.
A habit that turned into a nightmare…
A demon feeding on my mind!

Suffocating in the rotten vacant volume...
Not enough bullets in my pistol…
I made up my mind!

Tagged by Evaluna

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes/music player on Shuffle,
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer,
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do them themselves.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Blackout – Muse
**This is not a good start!

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Dinosaur – King Crimson
**E7em… beyt'haya2ly as'3ar showaya!

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Hello - Evanescence
**Is this a bad answer?!

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Wake up hate - Korn
**Yeah, almost everyday!

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
My December – Linkin Park
**Well, my birthday is 2/12, so…!

6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Uninvited – Alanis Morissette
**NOOOO, NO, this is a naughty test!

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Pic nic – Maniacs Vs Sharkiat
**LOOOOL

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Commissar - Savatage
**Irrelevant, and I hope it stays like this...

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I've seen it all - Bjork & Thom Yorke
**Yeah,… and the current list is empty!!

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Come Undone – Duran Duran
**huh..??!

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Amnesia – Jessica Bailiff
** Good idea!

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Isobel - Dido
**LOL :)

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Broken - Evanescence & Seether
**I don't want to know, but sure it's not broken!
**This post must be deleted :)

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Love Scenes – Beverly Craven
**Can't do that :)

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Bolero – Maurice Ravel
**Hehe, I can imagine that :)

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Just for now – Imogen Heap
**Haha, You got it totally wrong you stupid test :)

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Fi Skoot el Lail – Kamilya Jubran
**Damn!

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
A Thousand Years - Sting
**Exactly, Long time no see!

19. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Break Stuff – Limb Bizkit
**LOL,….It is !

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?
Turn the Page – Metallica
**A7san 7aga, kefaya 2el3ak 2elly foo2 :)

These are not hallucinations! (part 4)

These are not hallucinations! (part1)
These are not hallucinations! (part2)
These are not hallucinations! (part3)

I'm not sure if what we had back then was for real.
It was the first time for me to feel that…
That I'm dying.

The idea that you can read people's minds is amazing.
I happened to experience that once before.
It's hideous!
And your life will never be the same afterwards.

I stood there watching and I did nothing.
That's what I did every time.
A deadly combination of fear and love…
And that's how I developed hate!

Adapting…
It's a process you go through when you can't fit into a particular situation.
But what if you got used to doing it over and over again, then…
Then suddenly you decided to stop?

I almost forgot how a normal sleep would be.
So I developed a new definition…
It's a state close to death when you wake up in the middle chocking or feeling that your blood pressure is going to tear your chest open. And if you made it through, you'll suffer through a series of nightmares till you eventually…
Do not die!

Don't get me wrong, I just can't help it!!
It's the only thing that pops up into my mind when you talk...
The blood splash when I smash your skull.
… !
You look charming with that axe next to…
…your decapitated corpse.

I can't figure out till now why or how our friendship came to an end!
We both just stopped calling.
I regret it, you know?
You were...
You were my FRIEND.

You people have been talking for the last three hours, and just saying shitty nonsense,..
and you look happy you,…you…
YOU MOTHER FUCKING FREAKS!

Drawing on red paper is so annoying.
There's too much red that…
That there's not enough contrast for my blood!!

I'm not easily provoked my friend!
I'm a fuckin' maniac who'll peel your skin off your face if I ever heard you… talking, laughing or even chewing food…!!

Same old me!
Eye contact,
Thoughts and words are rushing through my brain like freakin' bats out of hell, but never make it to…
Still there…
Tongue?!

I hate the horn of the ferry,
and I hate celebrations.
They remind me of…
the end!

I don't know how long it will last.
I don't know how long I'm going to bear it.
It seems like an endless vortex that keeps going on and on!
I'm drowning myself inside!