I hate you!

You’re back!

I knew it, and I expected you, because you’ve never left in the first place.

You were always here, hiding, though we were always seeing each other!

Oh my God!

I still remember these awful memories, the bloody fights, the battles I’ve gone through. I was such a stubborn opponent, and you were such an atrocious filthy enemy.

You struck in the dark, anywhere, anytime. You were a merciless beast and I did everything trying to stop you, to vanquish you!

Sometimes I was somehow close to conquering you, but I was worn out and fatigued and I couldn’t continue.

I fell down!

Yes,…

I finally admit it…

You conquered me and I was dramatically defeated. Six years ago I admitted defeat. I chose to stop fighting because I wasn’t going anywhere. And even though, you did not leave me alone. You watched me fall in humiliation and imprisoned me behind bars of fear. A barrier that hindered any kind of pleasure.

It’s so ironic how I’m dealing with you as if you were real, like us,…blood and flesh. You are alive, but you are not. Damn you, I don’t know where or how you appeared in my life. Maybe I was too ignorant to know that you were a fast growing monster, a vicious weed that spread inside my head like fire and occupied it for 13 years!

I fear you!

I fear you to the bone.

You are my worst nightmare ever.

You deprived me from feeling or sensing happiness or peace of mind!

I’ve never admitted defeat in my entire life, except this time. You left me a taste of bitterness and humiliation that’ll stay till I die.

You haunt me in every place, all the time, and I can’t escape.

I know you won’t set me free. I’ve tried every once and a while to fight you again, but I lack my past strength. I’m trying again but I know how it might end this time. Lots of things have changed, and if I fell down this time, I’ll lose everything.

You know how I think, where and when I’ll hit you, and damn your fast learning capabilities. I just can’t tolerate your strikes anymore. You strike the old wounds, and every time you hit me, you shake my entire life.

I hate you..

I HATE YOU!

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